Play Time
by Naked Sasquatch
Summary: A series of oneshots all about how little play dates evolved into gay dates. Butters/Cartman or Buttman.
1. Tea Party

"H-hey Eric?"

"What Butters?"

"I'm kinda tired of playin' tea party with your dolls all the time...it's kinda, well girly."

Eric Cartman stopped stuffing his face with his mom's lemon bars and glared at Butters, before snatching his blonde friends raspberry and lemon tea away.

"Fine, asshole! Me and Polly Prissy Pants will just have to finish your food then!"

Butters clacked his knuckles together...he probably shouldn't of said that. Eric was gonna be awful sore at him now. Besides, it was nice to know that the school bully had a sensitive side...even if that did make him a total hypocrite. I mean, how many times did Eric make fun of him for liking Hello Kitty so much?

"Ah'm sorry Eric...it's just we always play tea-party."

Cartman pouted while adjusting Polly Prissy Pants so she was sitting up and not flopping over like the ragdoll she literally was. It was true - deep...deep...DEEP down, Eric Cartman had a somewhat sensitive, even effeminate side. Maybe it was because he never had a father figure, or maybe it was because he...might be...sortakindagaymaybe...but he always preferred playing dress up to playing sports. Or dolls and stuffed animals to action figures.

But only in private...or with Butters, but he didn't count. Butters was a pussy. He wasn't an asshole like Stan, Kenny or Kyle (especially Kyle, that sneak Jew-Rat) who would tell the whole school that big, bad Eric Cartman liked to play with pretty dollies.

At least he THOUGHT Butters would be cool about it...where did he get off calling HIM a fag? If anyone was a fag, it was BUTTERS!

"Whatevah...but don't call me a fag. You're the fucking fag."

Cartman muttered, while playing with Polly's hair absently now that she was sitting up.

"...Ah shouldn't have invited you to mah tea-party..."

"N-no I'm glad you invited me to your house, a-and I didn't call you a fag I just-"

"-You just think I'm a big ol' fag because I play with dolls. You just think it's soooooo funny and you can't wait to tell everyone at school about it! Fuck you Butters...I thought you were mah friend..."

Butters knew he shouldn't have said anything...Eric's feelings were clearly pretty hurt. Gosh darnit, why did he have to be such a little butthole all the time?

Butters scolded himself...before it hit him.

Friend...Eric thought he was his friend? Well Butters always thought so, but he never knew Eric felt the same way! So what would a friend do in this situation...

Butters got up from his little plastic chair, walked over to Eric and gave him a great big hug from behind.

Needless to say, Eric Cartman was completely unprepared for this. The fat and Anti-Semitic turd did not receive many hugs.

"Gah! B-Butters, what are you-?"

"Sssh, it's ok Eric...I-I'm not gonna tell anybody. Y-your my best friend, and so what if playin' with dolls is kinda faggy. Everybody's a little faggy deep down inside. Doesn't mean I love you any less."

Cartman coughed, blushing, before shoving Butters off of him.

"God dammit, Butters..."


	2. Lord of the Rings

**Lord of the Rings**

"I don't get what the big deal is, Eric...so what if you're gay? Lotsa people are gay. Like Mr Garris-!"

"But Ah don't wanna be a p-perv like Mr. Garrison! A-ah just wanna be n-normal!" Cartman blubbered, still clinging to Butters in the middle of his bedroom.

Coming out was harder to handle with dignity and grace than Eric Cartman had hoped. Even if it was only to Butters. At least he knew Butters would never, ever, EVER tell anybody! EVER! Or he would regret it for the rest of his short life...

"B-but it _is_ normal..."

This reasoning always helped Butters whenever he had a remotely bi-curious thought...even if his old man told him otherwise. It didn't seem to be helping Eric much though, who was still sobbing and making Butter's sweatshirt all soggy.

Butters brushed the half-ginger's hair with his fingers...poor little feller...all sad and confused...Confused...hey maybe that was it!

"So how do you know?"

"W-wha?"  
>"How do you know you're a homo?"<p>

Cartman wiped his nose on his coat sleeve, sitting up.

"Don't call me a homo, fag! An' Whaddya-"

"I mean, has a boy ever made your wiener tickle funny before?"

Now while Cartman wanted to smack Butters over how stupidly he had phrased it...the blonde boy had a point.

"I dunno..."

Cartman lied in a soft voice...knowing damn well his...urgh..."wiener tickled funny" maybe once or twice around Leopold Butters Stotch.

...the same Leopold Butters Stotch who was now practically in his lap! What the fu-?

"Butters...what are you-?"

"Ya know what, Eric?" Butters giggled, drawing little circles on Eric's tummy. "I think we need to play a game of Lord of the Rings to help you sort out your feelings..."

"Butters, you dipshit, how will-"

Then Cartman noticed Butters unbuckling his paints...and he remembered what Butters, to this day, thought Lord of the Rings was.

He slowly started to back away.

"N-now wait a minute Butters, I-"

Cartman froze as Butters crawled right back on top of him...with his pants around his ankles. No, no, no don't think about Butters that way! Repress! Repress!

"Aw, c'mon Eric...how else are ya gonna know for sure? 'sides I'll be gentle..."

That's when Cartman got a little pissed..there was something about the way Butters said that he didn't like.

Mostly it was the fact that BUTTERS was saying it.

"AY! If anything, I'm gonna be gentle with you! I'm nobody's bitch, you got that?"

Cartman growled, jabbing his fat finger into the smaller boy's chest while Butters...considered it.

"Well ok...if you wanna stick it in my butthole that's ok too."

Cartman sputtered incoherently, completely red in the face and wide-eyed.

Did...Did Butters really just-Does he want-WHAT?

The poor boy had never been so taken aback in his entire life.

"B-B-Butters...!"

As badass as Eric Cartman liked to pretend to be, they were only 12...and he was a little scared to try something like that. Truth be told he...he hadn't even had his first kiss yet.

"Can't we just like...kiss or something for a test?"

"Oh, you wanna take it slow?"

"Shut up, Butter-MRPH!"

Cartman was a little surprised at how...forward Butters was. He was just expecting a quick peck...not the sloppy, wet assault on his mouth. And he really wasn't expecting the little nibbles on his lower lip, the moans and coos or the soft tongue poking his teeth every once in a while, trying to get it.

And he really, REALLY wasn't expecting to actually like it! God, how much did the kid learn from that porno?

Cartman did his best to hate it so he could be straight and they could pretend this never happened...he really did try. But...instead he ended up pulling Butters closer by the waist and kissing him back...lazily trying to copy what Butters was doing to him.

So they didn't really play Lord of the Rings that day...but in time, it would become their favorite game.


	3. Mission Impossible

**Mission Impossible**

"Hey, Butters!"

"E-Eric how didja get in here?"

Cartman wasted no time striding into his new boyfriend's room like he owned the place. Propping his chunky body up against the wall.

"I have mah ways..."

He waited semi-patiently for Butters to swoon over his greatness.

...any time now, gaywad.

"...you didn't kill my parents, didja?"

Eric rolled his eyes.

"No, but only because I respect your wishes...so where were you today?" He asked, before sitting on the bed with Butters, making the mattress to sag under all the new weight. "I thought we gonna go to that new Rainbow Zen store at the mall and fart all over the incense display table. All the hippies were gonna cry and it was gonna be so sweet!"

"I'm sorry Eric...I'm grounded." Butters confessed, while hugging his knees a little closer to his chest.

Cartman shoved Butters lightly, just a little bit pissed. Stupid Butters was ALWAYS getting grounded! God dammit, how the fuck were they supposed to be gay together if his stupid boyfriend was getting grounded all the time?

"Dude, seriously? Again? What the fuck for?"

"...my parents know, Eric."

"Know what, that you're a pussy?"

"N-no – that we're boyfriends!"

Cartman softened immediately.

"And...they grounded you for that?"

Butters looked up with him, tears in his blue little eyes...fuck, had he been crying this whole time?

"Uh-huh..."

He sniffled, before clinging to to Cartman's love handles.

Cartman patted the 13 year old's back awkwardly...this being a considerate person was still fairly new to him and he wasn't quite used to it yet...he still got the uncontrollable urge to ruin someones day after 2 hours of being nice to Butters. Thankfully, he could take it out on Kyle-

Cartman's inner monologue was interrupted by Butter's sniveling...oh right, Butters was sad.

"Hey, hey...stop cryin', babeh...cryin' is for pussies. An' mah man ain't a big, stinky pussy now is he?"

"I-I guess not..." Butters hiccuped, wiping his face dry with his own sleeve...sure, it was only a few months ago when Butters was trying to comfort a sad ol' Eric Cartman but Butters decided not to bring that up just yet – he was tryin' to be sweet to him after all.

"So how long are you grounded for?"

"...6 months."

"6 MONTHS? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?"

Butters flinched as Cartman jumped back, clutching his chest. 6...6 months? Fuck, he...he couldn't even imagine! Really, he couldn't imagine - the longest sentence he ever got was 3 weeks!

"That's...that's inhuman!"

Oh he was gonna get Mr. and Mrs. Stotch for this...fuck Butters and his gay-ass wishes!

"Jesus Christ, 6 weeks...just for dating ME? Don't go and tell me Kahl isn't involved some how! Ah'm gonna kill that assho-"

"Eric...don't Kyle didn't do anything...I told them."

Cartman stopped pacing around the room.

"Butters, why the fuck would you do that?"

And, as if on cue, Butters started rubbing his knuckles together.

"It's just...when you're mom walked in on us playin' house the naughty way, she didn't get mad. She...she seemed happy that you were happy with me. An...an I-I knew my parents wouldn't react to the news so well...that my dad would prob'ly yell at me and call me a good for nuthin' queer and my mom would cry but...I wanted to be sure. And n-now I am."

Butters was surprised that Eric didn't immediately start yellin' at him. He was surprised that he instead pulled him close and started kissing him, pulling away only to tell him it'd be ok.

But he was most surprised to hear his dad shouting at him from down stairs.

"BUTTERS! YOU'RE REALLY IN TROUBLE NOW MISTER!"

"Oh SHIT! How did they free themselves?"

"Oh geeze oh geeze oh- wait what?"

"Don't worry Butters – I'll be back! I'll come back later tonight and bust you outta here! AH PROMISE!"

"W-wait Eric I-"

And he was gone...gee whiz, for a fat kid he sure could disappear real quick.

And so Butters waited in the confines of his room (after taking quite the scolding from his folks) until Cartman showed up outside his window like he promised...holding a plastic toy gun and humming the mission impossible theme song.


	4. Dress Up

**Dress Up**

"I told you it was a stupid idea, fatass."

"Shut UP, Kahl...don't you think I know that now?"

Cartman huffed, crossing his arms...smooshing his boy-tits together and giving the illusion of cleavage in his low-cut dress.

Oh yeah - Eric Cartman was wearing a dress.

You see, Cartman and Butters were still going strong and wanted to go to their first high school dance together. But after watching maybe one to many episodes of Degrassi, Cartman was convinced they would never be allowed to go together as two boys. So, of coarse, Cartman went ALL OUT hunting for that perfect dress that would match Butter's khaki and sweater-vest combo, playing with his mothers make-up, and writing a big, dramatic speech about equality (for homos anyway – certainly not for Jews and Blacks) that he would never get to use.

Because JUST 25 minutes ago, he found out that the South Park School District really didn't give a rats ass if you were gay or not, just so long as you bought a 10 dollar ticket.

"W-well I think you look nice, Eric."

Butters offered, trying to cheer his boyfriend up a little. After all, they just got here and he didn't wanna spend their whole evening standing around the back of the gymnasium bein' moody.

Plus...he did look really nice. Pretty even. Sure, a bit on the thicker side but Butters figured that's how he liked 'em.

"You're damn right I look nice! I'm fucking rockin' this!" Cartman gestured to the pastel-pink dress he got on sale at Macy's before humping the air in a most un-lady like fashion. Yep...he was feelin' pretty good about himself-

Until Stan, Kyle and Kenny started laughing hysterically.

"Ay, fuck you guys! You WISHED your dates could pull this off! Oh wait, that's right – you guys couldn't even GET dates! So HA!"

"I'm sorry Cartman – it's just what is this? The 17th time you've dressed up as a girl since we were 8?"

"Yeah dude...everyone's GOTTA think you're some kinda tranny now."

Butters backed away from Kyle...not wanting to get in between him and what was surely his boyfriend's unbridled rage. Oh geeze...!

"Kahl, Kahl, Kahl..."

Butters uncovered his eyes...Eric seemed completely calm! Almost to calm...

"The correct term is 'transgendered.' And homosexuality and transgender are not mutually exclusive. Gawd Kahl – your ignorance to the GLBT community just astounds me sometimes."

Kyle could only blink...he wasn't sure if he was having a rage-stroke or not.

"Did you just...do you SERIOUSLY want to talk about ignorance and sensitivi-"

"Hey, don't sweat it Kaaaaahl...you should just think next time before talking about sensitive subject matter like that, you dirty fucking Jew-Snake!"

"FUCK YOU FATBOY I-"

"OKAY! Umm...come on Kyle...lets leave these two alone and go talk to some ladies...over there!" Stan stepped in between them, trying to keep the peace. "Hey, Ken, a little help here?"

"Mrkay, whrtevrr..."

And the two escorted Kyle across the gymnasium...who was to paralyzed with pure rage to move on his own.

And so there they were...just the two of them. Alone. Standing in silence. away from the crowd of the other freshman having fun and dancing, for what seemed like a really long time to Butters. He was starting to get a little bored just standing there and picking little fuzzballs off his sweater vest...when Eric finally spoke up.

"...Butters?"

"Yeah Eric?"

"Do you really think I look nice tonight?"

"Y-yeah...you look great!"

"...better than the all the skinny girls?"

Butters wasn't expecting that. You'd think he'd expect just about anything and everything from Eric Cartman at this point, but not that...it wasn't like him to compare himself to "small boned" people. Dumb ol' Kyle must have made him feel REALLY insecure about himself. That stupid Jew...

So Butters, with out much hesitation, grabbed Eric's hand and kissed him briefly in the gym full of judgmental teens.

"Eric, you're beautiful and you totally rock that dress."

Eric turned his face away and coughed a meak little "Thanks, Butters"...but Butters could see that he was blushing and trying to fight a smile.

So Butters, taking advantage of the rarely seen shy Eric Cartman, placed his hands on his date's thick waist.

"So...so you wanna dance?"

"Ok fine, but I lead. We don't need people thinkin' you're the man of the relationship."


	5. The Coon vs Professor Chaos

"C'moooooon, Buttah's! It'll be fuuuuuuuun!" The tubby teenager whined, ruffling the blondes shaggy hair...until he stood up from his lap.

"I-I dunno, Eric...aren't we a little old to play dress up? After all, we are 15." Butters asked, while trying to fix his hair. This only got an indignant "humph!" from Eric Cartman.

"It's not 'playing dress up', ya fag! It's called role-playing! Besides it's sexah..." Cartman purred, pulling Butters by the waist back on to his bed, lightly brushing his big hands over his boyfriend's thighs. And while this would have normally shut Butters up, today Butters was not going to back down easily.

And he actually pushed him away!

"I-I just...do I hafta wear the Professor Chaos costume? I can get a little...dark when I'm in it."

Cartman, now recovered from the shock of Butters resisting his advances, rolled his eyes.

"Pffft, no you're not, I've seen you in that stupid thing. Ah'm not scared of you! And yeah ya gotta! Since we do it in mah house, in mah room, we're gonna do it mah way! Unless you wanna start havin' sex at your place..."

Cartman smirked, while Butters squeaked.

"N-no! We can't do that! M-my parents still think we broke up! If they catch us th-they'll send me to-"

"Jesus Christ, calm down I was kidding!" Cartman chuckled, loving the look of panic on Butter's face...like a frightened bunny. It was adorable."But seriouslah...go get your gay-ass Professor Chaos costume on so I can take it off."

"Eric..."

"Pleeeeease?"

Butters sighed heavily, finally defeated by those big brown eyes in that fat skull he loved so much.

"Oh...oh alright."

So Butters scooted himself into the bathroom, pulling his Professor Chaos costume out of his backpack (of coarse he still carried it with him...just in case things were a little too...orderly.) He slipped into the tights easy enough. The cape posed no problems either...but once the tinfoil helmet was left, staring at him from the bottom of his backpack...things gotta little tricky.

_Butters..._

Butters fumbled with the backpack, but managed to save it from falling to the tiled bathroom floor.  
>"W-what?"<p>

_I know what your about to do. This is a gross abuse of your power..._

Butters gulped, gently pulling the helmet out of the bag and holding it to eye level.

"I...I know...but Eric, really wants this and-"

_Oh well if ERIC wants it...really, do you always do what fat-ass wants? No wonder you need me..._

Butters frowned, digging his fingernails into the sides of the helmet. "N-now wait just a minute, Mister! S-say what you will about me, but leave Eric outta this! Besides he's not fat, he's just got big ol' bones."

_He's fat, and your an idiot! But go ahead and put me on, Butters...we mustn't keep fatso waiting..._

Butters hesitated, before hearing 'fatso' bellow down the hallway.

"Butters, hurry the fuck up in there! Ah'm so horneh!"

"Sweetie, do you boys need anything? Popcorn? Condoms?"

"NO MAHM GO AWAY!"

"Eric, do we need to have another talk about safe sex?"

"MAAAAAAAAAAHM!"

Butters sighed, before slowly slipping the helmet over his head.  
>"W-well if it's professor Chaos Eric wants..."<p>

_Then it's Professor Chaos Eric gets!_

After laughing maniacally to himself for a good two and a half minutes, Butters raced down the hall and opened the familiar bedroom door...to find Cartman, bouncing up and down on the bed in his old Coon costume.

"The Coon will bring you to justice, Chaos!" He gestured dramatically to his lanky boyfriend, standing in the doorway while Butters grinned...this might be fun after all!

"Not likely, Coon!"

And Butters tackled him. Sure, it caught the Coon off guard for a minute but not too long. They were soon wrestling on the bed for dominance. And of coarse Cartman had the whole being a lard-ass advantage so Butters was squirming under him in no time...so hawt...

Cartman smirked at his helpless prey, breaking character for one, fatal moment.

"Heh...see Buttahs? I toldja this would be-"

CLICK! What the..!

"Butters! You black asshole, did you just handcuff me?"

"MWAHAHAHAHA! That's Professor Chaos, to you Coon!"

"Time out! Seriously Butters this isn't coo'!"

Butters ignored his pleas and crawled on top of his soft stomach...with a leer that Cartman decided that he hated right then and there.

"Aw, whatsa matter...you don't wanna play now that you're losing, Coon-breath? Or should I say...ERIC CARTMAN! That's right, I know your secret! I see you're speechless."

And Cartman was speechless...but not out of fear.

"Yeah not shit, Butters...you changed in my bathroom. Now get off!" Cartman ordered, rattling the cuffs that kept him tethered to the bed railing. Butters chuckled.

"Oh I intend to."

...what?

"But first...this pesky mask..."

Cartman tried to turn away, but Butters fingers found their way into his home-made mask...revealing a wide eyed Eric Cartman. Butters couldn't help but kiss him.

At first, Cartman didn't feel like kissing him back. He was pissed off! How dare Butters handcuff him to his own god damn bed! This game was HIS idea! But...soft, slippery lips and tongue and little moans and sounds eventually did him in like always. And just as he was enjoying himself, Butters pulled away.

"Heh...that's more like it...now, we can get started!"

What ensued was the craziest sex either boy could ever imagine. And they had both seen their fair share of fucked up shit. Hell, even the actors and actresses in "Backdoor Sluts 9" would bat an eye what they just did!

But in the midst of their frantic and clumsy teenage sex, Butters helmet had been knocked clear off his head. So the afterglow was a tad awkward for the blonde.

"E-Eric?"

"Hmm?" Cartman hummed lazily, staring at a crack in his ceiling.

"I...I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Nah, ah'm fine..." He simply said, clearly thinking long and hard about something. Which was rarely a good thing, in Butters experience. Calm before the storm and all that.

"Umm...Eric? I...I didn't RAPE you, did I?"

Cartman finally looked at Butters.

"No, shut the fuck up with that shit! The next time we do that though, we need to pick a god damn safe word."

"N-next time?"

"Shut up, Butters..."

Cartman sighed, before taking the role of 'very big spoon.'


End file.
